Back in my middle 20s, I wrote a bunch of fiction stories. I had a couple of notebooks in a binder filled with them written with good old fashioned pen and paper. But, I lost the notebooks when we moved into the house we bought and live in now. I wish I wouldn’t have lost them because maybe I could have typed them out on the computer and revised them and self-published them at least. But, now I have to start over if I ever decide to go back to it, which I am thinking about, MAYBE. And that is a big maybe for the following reasons.
I have this little voice inside my head that tells me I’m not good enough. It is constant and says I can’t write fiction as my friends do. I am a little envious of those who can write it and either get a literary agent right away or sell a lot of books after self-publishing their own books. I have a friend on Facebook who just posted for the third or fourth time that her short stories keep getting published in magazines or books. I am happy for her but I wish I didn’t feel like an imposter when I did write fiction back in the day. It is so bad it has stopped me from writing it for more than 10 or 15 years now. It’s pretty sad!
I’m afraid of failure
I know failure is a part of life but I am seriously afraid of rejection. Of course, I have had my non-fiction work rejected plenty of times and I know that it is a part of the process. I know that it is also how you learn to get better. And, I know that you cannot get better at writing anything unless you keep writing. When I first started writing on here more a couple of months ago, I was afraid to hit the publish button after I was done writing and editing an article. I know I shouldn’t have been because now I am getting readers and claps and comments and views. Everything has increased a lot over the last couple of months of me writing a lot more on here but failing at writing fiction and either not getting published the traditional way or not selling enough books after self-publishing really freaks me out. It is because of these damn voices in my head again.
Maybe I am also a little afraid of success
I’m not quite sure yet but maybe, just maybe, I might be afraid of success too. I am afraid that I will get movie deals and have to go on talk shows which I don’t think I can handle. Maybe I could do it but it still really scares me. So, I guess I really am afraid of success. I guess this is something I will need to work on if I ever decide to go back to writing fiction again, and I really, really want to for some reason. It is like it has been calling me back to it.
I’m afraid no one will want to read my stories
I also have this feeling, and it scares me a lot, that no one will want to read my fiction stories. But, they read my non-fiction so maybe they will read my fiction stories, right? I don’t know but I guess I should at least try to write short stories again like I used to and maybe, just maybe, a novel at least once. Maybe once I start writing them, and if I start self-publishing them, I will sell a few of them. I guess I won’t know unless I try it again. You never know, I might be able to sell a few stories.
I guess I need to ignore the voices in my head. It is going to be hard but I guess I should definitely try to ignore them as much as I can if I want to get back into fiction writing. I have story ideas in my head and I think it is time to let them out to where they belong.
What do you think about this? Do you think I should try it again? Would you ever read my fiction stories if I published them? Do you also have the voices in your head that tell you you’re not good enough too? Let me know in the comments what you think about this so we can have a little discussion. Maybe you will be able to talk me into starting writing fiction short stories and a novel too. You never know!